Goals and Setbacks

The only thing standing between you and your goal is the [BS] story you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.

I for one know I can do whatever I set my mind to. My problem? Procrastination... Perhaps it's my ego's fault for that. I've always considered myself above average in intelligence, and not because I was smarter than anyone else, or because I got the highest grades in my class (which I didn't, I was always second in my class), but because things came easy to me. I didn't study much, but I did remarkably well in exams, I always wasted time and yet I always seemed to finish whatever I was doing with enough time to spare before the deadline. Granted that it was not always that good, but it was done! Or so I thought. Therefore, I waste time. I play games, hang out with friends, Facebook, Twitter, 9GAG, you name it and I'm probably there most of the day.

When I came to Uni I set a goal. I wanted to finish Uni with a First, at whatever cost, but more importantly, I wanted to learn. I wanted to come out of Uni filled with knowledge and skills that would make my future brighter. The reasoning behind this is that I'm paying a lot of money for my education, and no one messes with my finances! Not even I am allowed to do that! I will work my ... off and make this investment worth while.

The first three months I thought it would be easy. I had a lot of time to spare (as I did not work) and not many assignments. And guess what I did? I wasted most of the time. I read a bit, did my assignments and got grades between 13 and 16, but I still felt I was wasting time. There is an incriminating picture of me on Facebook posted by my boyfriend. I had an assignment due in two days, and I was playing NFS Most Wanted. The caption of the photo is "One more race and I'll totally start working on the assignment!" Come January I started working, and my days suddenly became shorter. I felt I had no more time to waste, and in a weird manner, I stopped wasting time. The pressure to manage my time as well as possible actually made me manage it. I finished my first year of Uni with an A- average (which is in the First degree category), but come summer holiday, a whole new era started. I had time to waste again, and wasted it was. No matter how many times I told myself that I did not have the commodity of wasting time, the facts said otherwise.

Three months in the second year, I'm still procrastinating and finishing my assignments on the last 100 yards. It seems like a pattern. I hope January, and the quarter of a century that will have passed since I was born will put me back on the right track. I know putting all this pressure on January and my birthday is not fair, as this is all about my state of mind, but it's easier, isn't it?

I'm my biggest supporter and my main drawback at the same time. So what is it you're telling yourself when you are striving for something? Are you the one person keeping you down, or are you biggest supporter?

I'll see you soon.

Love,
Maddie.